Getting used to the sexual me: Coming to terms with being female
Again - an assignment I wrote for my gender class….
Growing up in Colombo, one gets used to the blatant eve teasing. Catcalls, hisses, getting followed home, getting felt up in buses, the flashing of vehicle lights, the flashing of penises etc. are all aroutine part of growing up. A social marker as it were, of thetransition from girl-child to woman.
Such incidents are however, notonly ignored but also indulged in by society. The concept of’Kolukama” which roughly translates to “the way young boys are” is a common method of normalising such incidents and events. It is widely
accepted that these behaviours are a normal part of the boy-child’s growing up process, which he will eventually “grow out of.” The girl meanwhile has no choice but to “put up with it”.
The article ‘Sexuality and Pertinence” talks about the manner in which rules and conventions relating to sexuality are normalized and perpetuated in society. “Indeed, it is made to seem instinctual, pre-rational and spontaneous and is often marvellously disengaged and hidden from its own social and historical context.”
And this would to a great extent, explain how Colombo’s society considers it completely normal for the male to react towards the female in a certain way.
he concept of the female body as “object” or “commodity” is one that we all grow up with and eventually internalize. The truth is that the woman is never viewed outside of her identity as “sexual being.” This fact is perhaps most evident when one views popular perceptions of the female body and how it ought to be regulated.
“What was she doing dressing/behaving like that? She was practically asking for it” is a common reaction to news of rape, particularly with regard to women/girls who are perceived as being promiscuous or too outgoing.
On a less sensational level, parents admonish daughters, asking them not to wear certain kinds of clothes when leaving the house. And it doesn’t stop with the clothes you wear. I myself was recently accused of “smiling too much in public” by three well meaning male friends, who insist that doing so is tantamount to making a “come hither” gesture to predatory males (who it seems are everywhere). But what is interesting and almost never questioned is the fact that it is always the female who is always required and expected to cover up her body in a ‘decent’ manner, not walk alone, be careful etc.
And this is necessarily because of the way she is viewed: how the perception of her body has been constructed within a patriarchal society.
“Sexuality and Pertinence” explains that a complete breakaway from this construction requires a conscious and collective effort by both sexes, similar to that advocated in the ‘Self Respect Movement’ by Ambedkar or the Gandhian construct of woman; or else in extraordinary situations such as times of conflict when women are incorporated into military structures.
At all other times, the woman is necessarily defined in terms of her sexuality. The woman unaccompanied by the male does not “belong” to anyone and is therefore available. “Chaste” is a word with positive connotation and a quality to be aspired to. Aloofness is virtuous. And so the list goes on.Transgressions from these “norms”, no matter how minor, are punished - again in sexual terms. Through the jeering, catcalling, flashing etc. ‘Sexuality and Pertinence” speaks of a feminist argument that “Sexual assault was not a crime against chastity or female moral worth; rather it was an expression of male sexual authority.” And this I find, extremely relevant to the experiences that I have had growing up.
