bottom down

I intended this post to be a thought provoking comment on independence, what it means, the role of the nation state (with oblique reference to Benedict Anderson and the imagined community) and nationalism. But somehow I can’t seem to gather my thoughts enough to write in the lucid and structured style that a post of that nature deserves. To be honest I’m a bit overwhelmed, more than a little disillusioned and honestly in some sense I feel I have too much to say - but not enough. Everyone knows about the abductions, the bombings, the violence and the almost complete descent into anarchy that make the celebration of 60 years of independence of the democratic socialist republic of Sri Lanka seem like someone’s idea of a very sick joke. But that is not what gets to me - what really gets to me is the almost hopeless cheerfulness of the people at home that to me exemplifies the tragedy of everything that’s WRONG with everything I intended to write about. That is, independence, what it means, the role of the nation state (with oblique reference to Benedict Anderson and the imagined community) and nationalism. “you should be here - it’s like Iraq” laughed my brother when I called him yesterday. “Anyway how are you doing???”

And thats how it is. For many of us. The bombs, the explosions, the check points, the knowledge that everytime you step out of the house it may be the last time you do it. And this knowledge has become such a big part of our lives that on some level its not the over arching, all dominating, life changing factor that you would expect it to be. It lurks in the background, hides in the sub conscious and manifests itself in the strangest ways: crude jokes, an almost desperate attempt to have fun, and a level of apathy that can come across as nothing short of callous and insensitive to people outside of the situation. (such as a lot of my Indian friends who have stared at me incredulously as I almost tiredly dismiss their sincerely concerned questions that usually border on “Is your family ok in Colombo?” which I quite frankly don’t know how to respond to)

And the thing is, for WHAT goddammit? Why do we have to be in this situation at all? Why all this blood shed over a portion of 65,525 square km which most of us have never visited and probably never will? Why this obsession with territorial integrity, Sinhala (or Tamil) nationalism and everything all our independence day celebrations represent? That is the march past. The fiery political speeches. The little flags that come free with every issue of every newspaper. The supplements. the tributes to our forefathers (ironically in the language of the colonizer). The flags waving from houses and cars. what does it all represent in the end?

And this is not even a lament - its just an extension of apathy in a sense. Who screwed with our minds this way and why do we have to suffer for it? Call me an idealist. Call me anti nationalist. Accuse me of buying into treacherous ideology. Tell me I have no right to say any of this. Tell me whatever. In a lot of ways I’m just tired.